Watch How You Speak to Yourself

Not every thought deserves to be believed.

I Thought I Was a Positive Person

I've always considered myself a pretty positive person.

So when I first learned about self-talk during my applied psychology studies, I decided to pay closer attention to the way I spoke to myself.

And honestly? I was surprised.

Because although I considered myself a positive person, the conversations I was having with myself told a different story.

Growing up, I had experiences at school that left me feeling like I wasn't smart enough. And without really noticing, that belief had become part of my inner dialogue.

Maybe I don't know enough.

Maybe I should learn a little more before I begin.

Maybe I'm just not ready yet.

And here's what makes this interesting.

Sometimes, those thoughts contain a little truth. There are situations where we genuinely need more knowledge, preparation, or experience.

But sometimes, the belief that you need to become better before you're allowed to begin is exactly what's keeping you from becoming better.

That's when I realized that if I wanted to create real change in my life, I also needed to change the way I was speaking to myself.

Your Brain Isn't Always Telling You the Truth

Let's talk about the psychology behind this.

Our brains are constantly interpreting what's happening around us. And many of the thoughts that arise throughout the day happen automatically, without us consciously choosing them.

In cognitive psychology, these are called automatic thoughts.

They're influenced by our previous experiences, beliefs, and the way we've learned to interpret situations.

For example, imagine you make a mistake at work.

One person might think, “That didn't go well. I'll approach it differently next time.”

Another might immediately think, “See? I'm just not good enough.”

Same situation. Different interpretation.

And those interpretations can influence how we feel and what we do next.

There's also something called negativity bias: our tendency to give negative information greater attention or weight in certain situations.

From an evolutionary perspective, being alert to potential threats helped humans survive. But today, that sensitivity can also contribute to how strongly we react to criticism, mistakes, or possible rejection.

Of course, not every negative thought is irrational. Sometimes there really is a problem we need to address.

But a thought feeling convincing doesn't automatically make it true.

And that's something I want you to remember.

The Way You Speak to Yourself Changes What You Do

Here's why self-talk matters so much when it comes to becoming the woman you want to be.

Imagine you want to start your own business.

But every time you think about taking the first step, your inner voice tells you:

You're not experienced enough.

Other people know so much more than you.

You should wait until you're better prepared.

What happens next?

Maybe you take another course. Read another book. Spend another month researching.

And sometimes, that's exactly what you need.

But other times, you're not really preparing anymore.

You're postponing the possibility of failure.

In psychology, avoidance can be maintained through negative reinforcement. When avoiding something uncomfortable brings immediate relief, we're more likely to avoid it again.

So you delay taking action, your anxiety decreases for a moment, and your brain learns that waiting feels safer.

But meanwhile, you're missing opportunities to gain the very experience that could help you become more confident and capable.

And this is why I believe self-talk matters.

The way you interpret your abilities can influence which opportunities you're willing to give yourself.

You Don't Need to Believe Every Thought

Now, I don't believe the solution is to stand in front of a mirror every morning and repeat positive affirmations you don't actually believe.

Affirmations can be meaningful for some people, but I personally believe much more in developing self-talk that is tailored to you.

Your experiences. Your insecurities. Your goals.

One technique used in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is called cognitive restructuring.

It involves identifying an unhelpful thought, examining the evidence for it, and developing a more balanced interpretation.

For example:

Instead of “I'm not smart enough,” you might say:

“There are things I don't know yet, but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of learning them.”

Instead of “I need to be completely ready before I start,” you might say:

“I can prepare myself while also gaining experience by taking action.”

Notice that we're not pretending everything is perfect.

We're simply creating space for a more realistic perspective.

You don't have to lie to yourself to speak to yourself more kindly.

And you don't have to eliminate every negative thought.

You just need to stop automatically treating every thought as a fact.

Become Someone Who Supports Herself

I want you to think about the woman you're trying to become.

How would she respond to herself after making a mistake?

Would she immediately conclude that she's incapable?

Or would she acknowledge what went wrong, learn from it, and decide what to do next?

Because becoming her isn't only about changing what you do in the outside world.

It's also about changing the relationship you have with yourself along the way.

And I think that's something we often underestimate.

You spend an enormous amount of time with your own thoughts.

Make sure the voice accompanying you through your life isn't constantly convincing you that you're not capable of living it.

Be on Your Own Side

Because changing your self-talk isn't just about feeling better.

It's about giving yourself the opportunity to behave differently.

And I want you to remember something.

You are allowed to be a work in progress without constantly speaking to yourself as if you're a disappointment.

You can recognize your weaknesses without turning them into your identity.

You can want to improve without believing you're not good enough as you are.

And you can acknowledge that you still have things to learn without making that a reason to never begin.