The Confidence You’re Waiting For Comes After

What Are You Waiting For?

Honey, you might never feel completely ready.

So maybe it's time to jump.

How many times have you told yourself you'll start when the time is right?

When you feel more confident.

When you have more experience.

When you know exactly what you're doing.

When you're finally ready.

We spend so much time waiting to feel confident enough to do the things we want to do.

But what if confidence isn't something we need before we begin?

What if confidence is something we build because we begin?

In the previous lesson, we explored why understanding our patterns doesn't automatically change them.

We can know exactly what we need to do and still struggle to do it.

But now comes the next question.

How do we actually begin doing things differently?

The Psychology of Confidence

Interestingly, psychology offers an explanation for how our belief in our abilities can develop.

It's called self-efficacy.

Psychologist Albert Bandura introduced this concept to describe our belief in our ability to carry out specific actions and handle particular challenges.

In simpler words, it's about believing:

I can figure this out.

I can handle this.

I'm capable of learning how to do this.

And here's where it gets interesting.

One important way we develop self-efficacy is through something called mastery experiences.

These are experiences in which we attempt something, make progress, and discover that we're capable of handling a challenge.

Think about the first time you did something that scared you.

Maybe you went to the gym alone.

Spoke up in a meeting.

Set a boundary.

Or tried something you had convinced yourself you weren't capable of doing.

Beforehand, you might have felt nervous, uncertain, or completely unprepared.

But afterwards, something shifted.

You had evidence.

Not just a positive affirmation.

Not just someone telling you that you could do it.

You had experienced yourself doing it.

And that experience can begin changing what you believe you're capable of.

Why I Believe in Baby Steps

When I work with clients, one of the first things I explain is the importance of breaking big goals down into baby steps.

Because sometimes, the problem isn't that we're incapable of doing something.

It's that we're trying to do everything at once.

We set enormous expectations for ourselves.

We decide we're going to work out five times a week, completely change our routines, eat perfectly, and somehow become a different person overnight.

And when we can't immediately keep up with those expectations, we start questioning ourselves.

See? I knew I couldn't do it.

But what if the goal wasn't to prove that you could change your entire life in one week?

What if the goal was simply to begin?

If you want to become someone who exercises regularly, start with one workout.

If you want to become more confident speaking up, start by sharing your opinion in one conversation.

If you want to become better at setting boundaries, start by giving yourself permission to say, “Let me think about it.”

These steps might seem small.

But they're opportunities to experience yourself doing something differently.

And over time, those experiences can help you develop greater trust in your abilities.

You don't build confidence by proving you can do everything. You build it by discovering that you can take the next step.

The Space Between Who You Are and Who You Want to Become

I think this is where many of us get stuck.

We have a picture of the woman we want to become.

She's confident.

Disciplined.

She speaks up for herself.

She follows through on her goals.

And we look at ourselves today and think:

I'm not her yet.

So we wait.

We wait until we feel more motivated.

More certain.

More capable.

But the woman you're imagining didn't necessarily become confident before she started doing difficult things.

She may have developed that confidence through experience.

Through trying.

Through making mistakes.

Through discovering that she could handle more than she expected.

And that is something you can begin doing too.

Not by forcing yourself into situations you're genuinely unprepared for.

But by choosing challenges that are small enough to approach and meaningful enough to help you grow.